My first time.

My first time as an attending Dr to an unresponsive patient. Is not cool. Not cool at all.

It was on my night call. The first night call ever in my new ward. I was expecting a peaceful night. With less admission compared to my former wards. Gastro ward wa so much hectic than nephro, which is my new posting. I was dealing with a difficult blood taking when respi ward, the ward that I'm covering for other than nephro calls, saying that one of the patient is not responsive. I immediately abandon Mr difficult and run to respi, which was just right next door. And the first sight that welcome me in respi was the nurses pushing the emergency trolley into the isolation room. and I just know that it was serious. That I'm gonna deal with someone's life. Without further delay, I just grab a normal facemask and went in to assess the patient.

The sight of the patient is aint pretty too. She look .... well.. numb. Rigid. The first thing that I did was check the patient's carotid pulse and auscultate for her heart beat. And I can hear nor felt none. After making sure that she has not been issued DNR and was for active resuscitation. I did the first thing that came to my mind. No time should be wasted. Every second waste could lead to cerebral hypoxia. And so, I just went up the bed and start to do CPR.

I was in doubt at first, whether CPR should never be commence without guidance from my superior. That maybe I was wrong, maybe the pulse is there but it was me who was unskillfull in eliciting the signs. But, my inner instinct get me through the night.

I ordered the nurse to call my superior and the other to check her pulse and blood pressure. Both were none recordable. But the heart activity was present with the CPR going on. I got high adrenaline rush that I can get myself to do CPR for 15~ mins straight. (Which never happen before this)

My superior came around 5 mins after I start doing the CPR and the patient was immediately intubated. But sadly, even after 1 hour struggling to keep her alive. She didn't make it.

That's why my first time as an attending Dr to an unresponsive patient is not cool. Not cool at all.

But on the bright side. I'm glad that I didn't cower in fear and do something stupid at that time. I'm glad that I can take action. And from this, I became aware of the things that should be done during an active resuscitation. And I believe I could do better next time.

But still, I loss a life last night. :(

Promoting babies wear.

Holla lovely folks!

Mummy?

Looking for cute wear for the little one?

Why don't you check this out.

Online shop for your convenience to look for baby and kids wear. :p

'Like' the page if you like what you see and don't hesitate to PM the 'boss' if you want to buy any of their cute product. :)

Happy shopping lovely folks! or to the mothers to be exact. :)

Don & Bella e-Shop

Restless ramble

Holla lovely folks!

I haven’t write in ages; the last update that I wrote (excluding my amateur writing of paradisum) was months ago?

I am in limbo now, where times seem to freeze along with this body of mine. I’ve been passive for months and all I’ve been doing for the time being was eat, sleep, read and face the laptop for all days long.  All days lonnnnggg. Well, though I’m dreading the day that I’ll start working, being in this boring state for too long make me no good too. So, I can’t help to wait for the days that I’ll get my ‘calling’ letter and start to get active again.

Talking about the letters or documentations, they are part of reason why I am restless on my longus holiday. Holiday supposed to be good right, but mine isn’t so for me. *Sigh*

The letters. I’m expecting 3 batches of letter but not one has reached me yet. You see, I lived in papar and though few years back we moved to Sepanggar, I never changed my mailing address to my current location for not having a trustworthy address here.  And so, all the letters was mailed there and for some reason, I was unable to stay overnight at my aunt house and being a nocturnal person, a day trip back just for the letter is tiresome ;p, so I called my cousin to help me take them and passed it to my brother, as they are colleague. But the frustrating thing is, my cousin went for outstation after he took the letter and this crazy brother of mine never take me seriously and didn’t take the letters from him until the day he, himself went out for outstation. So now, I’m left hanging here with the letters lying at some foreign place. *Sigh* again. So, All I can do is to wait and wait and be patience.

Another big reason why I am trapped in this place is my driving lessons. I made a big mistake. A seriously huge MISTAKE. I chose the wrong driving institute or ‘branch’ to be exact. This branch of driving institute that I went to has been taken their student for granted. I don’t know how to say this, but in this limited time, when I’m trying to get my license as fast as I could, they are just being ‘unhelpful’. No. It should be something stronger, but I’m trying hard not to use vulgar word here. My classes was postponed for so many times and at crucial time, the tutor was being unreachable. And now I am stuck with my current progress. Have you ever wished hard for something and when it doesn’t go the way that you wanted it to be is causing you serious heart ache? Well that’s how I am now, I was quite confident with this driving thingy at first, but with all these problems, my confidence decrease. Hope that it will end well before my holiday end. *Finger crossed* I just can’t leave this place without completing this saddening quest.

Enough with the depressing stuffs, I want to share the good things about my holiday too. The keywords to describe my heart candy are 3Bs. Books, bake and babies.

Books. I’ve collected a few new read over the holiday, and finished more than 5 novels. Yeay! Books bOoks booKs. But I’m not in the mood to write book reviews on each book though; I’m lazy enough as it is. Hee.

Bake. I finally succeed in the making of a chocolate moist cake after 2 failed attempts. I didn’t snap its picture though, because a mini disastrous thing happened and the presentation was not pretty. Hu. And I also made chocolate fondant and butter cake. All was inspired by sis Stella who was pretty successful with her baking project now. *Heart*

Babies. Well as you know, I’ve been spending 1/3 times of my holiday over my sister’s place and spend some time with the babies. And now that I’ back, I’m missing them. L But the stupid driving lessons are holding me back here. L again.

There goes my ramble of my limbo-ish holiday. Sorry for the negativism of this post. J

Lucky Bro.

 Holla lovely folks!

It's been awhile since I post some random ramble.And I'm just in the mood to share an interesting event that happened recently, so, stay tuned folks. :)

It was my eldest brother's birthday last Saturday. Tho I was not as enthusiast as his fiancee to surprise him on his special day, I became her partner in crime in preparing the mini event.

My brother was such a bully that he'd been requesting for future SIL to bake an ice cream cake for him, but since she didn't have much spare time due to her bizarre work schedule, she decided to just buy it. And the only place that we know for selling it is the new Baskin Robbins at 1B. So?? BR is it.

Future SIL had a night shift the night before, so, we confide to meet at 1B for the cake. And that day was the first day in my longus holiday that I wake up early in the morning. Lol. 

Anyway, I took a bus from home to 1B and meet future SIL there. As expected we were early, but we didn't expect the store to open at 11am. Ok, I know I'm a noob, but we never have BR here what, and I thought the standard time for any shop to open at a mall was 10am. Betul kan? ;p

So we went to buy lunch as an accompaniment for the cake and even mindlessly bought the opposite door's Dunkin's donuts while waiting. @.@

When the store finally opened, we straightaway went for the cakes! 

The way the cakes were sold in BR was different from other store/ bakery that sells cake. 

You choose the cake based on the number of serving. For example, either for 4 people, 6 people or more, and the price differ depending on the number. 

And okay, most of you may have known this, but, I'm still an BR noob, so, sabarlah ya. Hee.

The selections were limited for our walk-in cake-hunt, so we just randomly chose one of the few flavors of ice-cream cake there. And chocolate is always the safest choice, don't you think. :)

Chocolate/ vanilla ice cream cake

Le bro was overly tired from work the day before, so he was still asleep by the time that we went back.

And then the usual surprising process happened and that was him with future SIL in his 'bedraggled' look after being forced to wash up for picture taking. Hehe.

The mindlessly bought donuts that are still in the fridge.

And my fascination for the ice cubes that keep the cake intact for our journey home.  

My brother was damn lucky right?! To have such a cool cake for his birthday. Oops. It seem like I'd been putting the limelight on the cake rather than the birthday boy since the beginning till the end.

Anyway, Happy birthday Bro! 

ps: The reason for the lack of enthusiasm to celebrate le bro birthday was that he didn't wish me mine on my birthday the week before. @.@ Tidak puas hati betul. Hehe.

Snippet of my life #1

"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Random photos during my longus holiday with the quotations from my favorite philosopher. :)

"Life is a series of surprises and would not be worth taking or keeping if it were not" - RWE

A new addition in the family. Baby Bella Dalisha Albert. :)

"The earth laughs in flowers" - RWE

Baby Brandon with his little sister. *Adorable*

"Write it in your heart that everyday is the best day in the year" - RWE

Bella's cake for her full moon party. An unexpected event held over her mother's hometown.

"In a library we are surrounded by hundred of dear friends imprisoned by an enchanter in paper and leathern boxes" - RWE

The novels that I read over the holiday. 

"Books are for nothing, but to inspire" - RWE

And currently reading Jodi Picoult's novel, Sing you home.

"I cannot remember the books I've read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me" - RWE

My favorite phrase from the book. *Funny*

"When it's dark enough, you can see the star" - RWE

Self cam with my new contact lens. *The picture was dark tho*

"Every artist was first an amateur" - RWE

My first attempt to draw my favorite youtube's artist.

"Nothing great ever achieved without enthusiasm" - RWE

 Half-way done knitting project. -.-

"I dream of a better tomorrow,  where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives" - RWE

And non-other than the haze-y weather.

"Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment . The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse and you may get you coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble." -RWE

Book review: It's not the end of the world by Judy Blume

"Divorce.. It's the end of the world." - Karen

Everything changed for Karen when her parents had a big fight and her father stayed out all night and the days after. Karen tried to make excuses for the reason why her father didn't come back home but to no avail, it ends with a divorce. 

Karen tried to fix the situation with the insight of her parents getting back together if they’re given the opportunity to spent time together again after the fight. She plan for a natural encounter for both parents but before she take action, her rebellious brother run away from home and her father did went back to their home to discuss about her brother disappearance. But, he didn't reconcile with his wife and their fight gotten more intense than before. That were the time that Karen realize that both of her parents had made the right choice of getting on their own way and there were no use of trying to fix the damage.

The story portrays the inner thought of the children (or teenage to be exact) in the process of understanding and adapting to the situation whereas their parents are going divorce. It let us see into the mind of the divorcee’s children. Hanna kept it as a secret from others as she thought that they may think of her differently if they know the truth, and she also has been having denial of her parent’s divorce and take measures to get them back together, but with Val’s help, she finally understood and slowly adapting to the situation. 

"Why did the man put Band-Aids in his refrigerator? Because it has cold cuts!" - Amy

Book reviews: How it ends by Laura Wiess

“Get you head out of a book, Hanna. You don’t live in a novel.”

Living at a farm house at the countryside (I supposed), deer hunting was a common practice at their neighborhood, especially to those who own their share of land over the forest. But Hanna and gran’s family kept their land as a sanctuary for the wild life and even provide foods for the does during winter to keep them at their land and not fall into prey to the hunter during the opening season.

When she was little, Hanna was left at her neighbor’s house when her parents had a conflict, and that was the time that she grow attached to the Schoenmakers couple, the one that she addressed as gran and grandpa in the story. And even when her parents get back together, she still went for routine visits over the Schoenmakers place.

To protect the bright and small Hanna from the trouble of the world, gran told her a lot of story that ends with happy ending. The story that Hanna loves the most was about how gran and grandpa first met and it was a love at first sight. It was like a fairy tale and to make small Hanna happy, gran make up a lot of lies without intending to do so. But, the truth remain sealed until later..

As Hanna grows up, she ceased down her visit to the Schoenmakers’ place and falls into the usual flow of a teenager life. She had a crush and after years of chasing after the same boy, she had her chance when her crush finally turn to her and ask her to be his girl. But, their love life doesn’t goes as what she imagined it will be. The boy was not loyal to her and it was a hurtful relationship, but believing in fairy tales and happy ending, she endures it.

As life goes, the Schoenmakers grew older. Gran was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and grandpa has heart problem. Gran need to be put on a wheel chair and was unable to move. Later, she even has difficulty to talk and can only communicate by eye movement.  

Being caught on not doing her mandatory community service on time, Hanna made a proposal to her counselor to serve her time at the Schoenmakers home and it was approved. She looks after gran afterschool when grandpa goes to work and help around with the housework.  When gran was well, she was a member of 5 book clubs and she had a collection of novels at her house. Back then, Hanna used to borrow books from her and they will discuss about it after Hanna finished it all. But, after having the disease, unable to read as she normally does, gran turned to audiobook instead of the normal hard print books.  Hanna turns the radio on for her every day, and on one of the occasion, she was drawn to the audiobook as well.

Throughout the visit, they’ve been listening to an audiobook entitled ‘How it ends’, which was a life story of an orphan. Turned out, the story was the real life story of gran and grandpa at which was totally different from what Hanna had been told before. Affected by her past, gran was not fond of the hospital (Doctor) and she made an agreement with grandpa to end their life when her last batch of medication finished.

Grandpa shot gran and he on the first day of the opening season after gran’s medication finished. Hearing the shotgun’s sound, Hanna immediately knows something was not right and ran to the Schoenmakers’ home. But she was late and both gran and grandpa was dead. She found the audiobook on the porch with a stick-on-it note saying: Hanna, this is how, and why.

Hanna was the only one that heard of the audiobook and understands the real reason behind the couple’s suicide.

The incident affected Hanna and she finally broke up with her boyfriend and chose to be together with another man that deserves her better.

“I pray you will realize that a happy ending is not the same as happily ever after and that fairy tales are fiction, but love, true love is trustworthy, steadfast, and reliable, is not”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How it ends was a great book revolving around Hanna and gran's life, and it was told by both person point of view. I love how Hanna's life and thought was well describe in the story. And as for gran or grandma Helen, I never expect her life to be that tragic. Her life as told in the audio book was totally different from what I thought she was earlier in the story.
Whenever Hanna turn on the audiobook, I was so horrified with some of the story that I wish Hanna will faster finished the chapter that they were listening to and go to her part of the story. But, afterward, I also anticipate the sequel of the audio book as much as Hanna do after finishing each chapter.
Although this was a great story,  I feel that the part where gran and grandpa ends their life was a little disturbing. The description was too vivid for me and I didn't expect them to end their life that way. @.@

D.R.E.A.M

Stepping away from the student's realm mean that I'm gonna start my career soon. 

Despite knowing the busy day that looms ahead, I decided to be positive and day-dreaming about the things that I would like to have in the future. . 

'There is nothing like a dream to create the future' - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

G.O.A.L

1. A comfy home 

I've been planning since like forever to have my own home. But I still hasn't decide what kinda house I'm gonna buy. I prefer a bungalow, but apartment is not bad too. It's too early for me to daydream about these tho, so I'll leave that thought to future me to decide.

2. Car

This is the most important and essential thing in my must-have list. Without these, how else am I going to work or even anywhere else. I'm not aiming for fancy car, i'm gonna buy one of those small and affordable car. 

I.N.T.E.R.E.S.T

3. DSLR or lomo camera maybe? 

And P.L.A.C.E.S 

That I would like to go when I finally can afford to do so.

I MUST go to Japan at least once in my lifetime. I'm in love with Japanese culture and I vow to myself that I must go to Japan on spring to appreciate the Sakuras before getting married.

Hmmm. That's all that I can dream about for now. 

*Finger-crossed* 

Hope that I'm going to have all of it real soon. 

'No person has the right to rain on your dreams' - Martin Luther King Jr

Hello-ing

It's been more than a month now. The 'honeymoon' phase of le post-student's life. 

I've been spending most of my time at Sandakan accompanying my sister 'ber-pantang'. 

I feel normal. No need to worry for the coming exam. No need to study every night.

And having a toddler at the house, it was not convenience for me to play with the laptop as the nephew will surely attack me/ more of the laptop if he see one. So, that's attribute to the lack of update from me. Hee.

This is just a short post though.

Just want to say Hi to the lovely folks who are reading these and wish all of you a good day  and a fun weekend ahead. 

Bye bye. :)

A letter to a friend II

A letter to a friend is dedicated to Ms Firah & Ms Nurul that went back to Peninsular after all these years. Here to you "a letter to a friend II".

" 'We'll be friends forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet. 'Even longer' Pooh answered" - A.A Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Nurul San~

Among all people, you are the one that know me the longest. We were destined to walk together. To walk the life path as a student together. We've known each other for nearly 2 decades now, to be specific, 17 years.

We studied together at the same primary school, and back then we were best friend too. And together with Miss Dg we were a triad made of "telur", "ayam" and "itik". You are one of the earlier person that accepted me as I am and I am really grateful for that. My childhood won't be the same without you and Dyg. *Hug*
Then we separated when you went away for another school during secondary school time. I still remember writing you letter, but being a lazy bum at that time, I broke the chain after one or two letters and we totally lost contact after that. *Sorry* (Kalau ko masi ingat lah, hehe)

Then, our next encounter was during matriculation time. But we haven't talk to each other yet that time. We crossed each other path for once or twice, and I recognised you instantly, but being a shy shy cat,  I didn't tegur you. Lama tidak jumpa kan, takut tidak kena ingat ni. ;p

We truly become reconciled again at UMS. We took the same course and suffered for a few years together. You are cool and sporting gila. You guys are the best neighbor that I ever had. Aisey. Hehe. Sorry for the time that I whined about my love life to you guys. Sorry~ Mesti kamu stress kalau saya datang bilik kamu masa tu tu kan. Hee. Thanks for being a good listener whenever I had trouble and feels like sharing. Thanks for not judging me for my mistakes.

I love hanging out with you guys especially when you are around, why? Cos you are the pe-meriah suasana and also event- planner. So the activities won't be boring without you. But, sorry for not being around for most of the time juga. During first and second year, faham faham lah why jarang hang out kan, but during third to fifth year, I didn't go out much due to unstable emotion + stress. Sorry. @.@

Ada lagi yang saya mau thanks ni: Thanks for providing me meggi time saya kelaparan tengah malam and thanks for the non-putus supply of running man at UMS (Skrg teda suda T.T).

Good luck for the next chapter of our life and you must come to my wedding k! (Tapi jangan risau, bukan saya yg first kahwin ni, antara kamu 3 tu, jangan lupa honeymoon trip ah) hehe.Dan jangan lupa jemput saya pigi your wedding juga. (OK! Habis pasal kahwin)

17 years is not a short time. You are a part of my life. Although I didn't express it, you are also one of my greatest friend in this whole wide world. *Hug*  I never wanna say goodbye to you, it's better to say it in chinese = 再见. Let us meet again in the future. :)

ps: *After induction and convocation baca lagi ni post ah. Baru tu last paragraph bermakna. ;)

As childhood friends, we grew up together,

Swearing to be friends forever and ever.

Sometimes we would argue and fight,

other times we would laugh and stay up all night.

We went from playing with games and toys,

To talking and dreaming about different boys.

My thoughts and feelings, to you I would confide,

Never having anything to hide.

Friends we do remain,

Things changing, and things staying the same.

To each other we still listen and share,

About each other, we will always care.

Mindy Carpenter

"A friend is someone who know all about you and still loves you." - Elbert Hubbard

Ramble.

It's the end of le student life. 

Final exam was over for like 2 weeks ago and I moved all my possessions back home. 

I had 3 moving trips to transfer all my stuff from hostel back home. Why 3 trips you might say, because the mover a.k.a my brother only drives a Myvi and the stuff accumulated during the 5 years period was seriously a lot, so it's not possible for us to move back everything in one sole trip. 

And till now I still have sore muscle pain over le shoulder resulted from lifting the book racks and dino-books up and down the stairs. *Exhausting* I never wanna move again in near future. @.@

The highlight of this post would be this! My simple study/working/reading corner. Thanks to le weakut, I have 2 book racks now. One for my novels and the other one for my text books. 

The photos of my lovely friends. To remind me that I am a lucky person for having these lovely people.

And another one.

 Oops. And this stolen poster from school also become one of my room's deco. ;p

Just a simple post for being too free.. ;p

A letter to a friend I

A letter to a friend is dedicated to Ms Firah & Ms Nurul that went back to Peninsular after all these years. Here to you "a letter to a friend I".

"Each friend represent a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born" - Anais Nin

Dear Firah,

It's been 3 days since we last see each other, how are you? ;p By the time you're reading this, you're back to your hometown, far away from us here at Sabah. But, though we are separated by the wide sea, I hope that you won't forget your Sabahan Buddies and all our precious memories here.

Do you still remember? We started off as roomate, then team mate, then group mates for 2 years. And our friendship's bond grew on each passing day, we are (ARE not WERE, cos still is ;p) super close though we were not back then when we were still roomate. Hee.

Dear friend, I never tell you this before. Throughout this 5 years, you have been my greatest friend. You are the friend that stick with your friend when they needed you and you are fun to be around with. You are the most understanding person that I know and talking with you will be something that I'll miss in near future. I love you Firah! as a friend ;p

I thought of this moment before, the moment of us parting and continue with our respective journey on our own different ways. But, I never imagine that it would feel this weird without you on near vicinity as you always were. And the thought of never seeing you again in the future is scary. I am not good in keeping contact with my friends and I hope that we won't lose contact, cos I never wanna lose you as a friend.

Found this poem on the net the other day...

When we first talked to each other

I knew we would always be friends.

Our friendship has kept on growing

And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem

And help dry the tears from my face.

You take aways my sorrow

And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had

Laughing 'til out faces turn blue.

Talking of things only we find funny

People think we're insane -if they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks

For catching me when I fall.

Thanks again for being such a good friend

And being here with me though it all.

Rachel Bill

Let's travel together in the future and don't you forget to invite me for your wedding k. ;p

ps: Sorry for this jiwang post.. see you during kursus induction. ;p

"The best mirror is an old friend" - George Herbert

Book Reviews: Playing with the grown ups by Sophie Dahl

"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes" - Antoine de Saint Exupery, The little prince

The story started with a phone call. The call that needed Kitty to go back to England as something happened to their mother. On her journey back home, rivers of memories flooded through her mind. The memory of her mother and her life.

The story was about Kitty's life and mainly about a daughter who adore her mother above everything else in the world. Kitty was born without a father, her mother had an affair with a married man and gave birth to her. Her mother was a painter and they live a simple life in the countryside with her bestemama and bestepapa. When she was 8 years old, her mother had another man in her life and given birth to a twin. However, the relationship only lasted for some time before the guy left them again.

Their peaceful life in the countryside abruptly changed when her mother had a sudden attraction toward a Hindi's teaching headed by a man named Swami-Ji. Their life course changes periodically according to Swami-Ji's forecast.

Kitty went through hardships in her boarding school and had a glamorous life along side her mother afterward. Turned out, her mother were not well and while her mother were getting proper treatment at the hospital, she and her younger brother and sister were taken care by their grandparent back at the countryside.

At the last chapter, the condition of her mother after they went back to the countryside were not mentioned, and I thought that the call mentioned earlier was about the death of her mother, that's why Kitty rushed back to her mother's side. But I was wrong as she was pretty much alive when Kitty reached England.

At last, Kitty get to meet her mother again and she get to hear the long awaited apology from her mother.

The story is mainly about how Kitty feels as she grows up with her mother as her idol and role model. Trying to become just like her mother, she dressed way too elegantly for her school and as expected, a lot of people thought that she was eccentric and she does not have a big circle of friends. Her feeling were described in the story and although she adore her mother very much, she was soon tired of the attention given on her mother and the drug problem that her mother has. Kitty doesn't grown in a normal family as others did but at the present, she is married and living a normal life with her husband.

:)

Precious

"Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to allow in more light" - Vera Nazarian

The 5 years books' collection.

"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it" - P.J. O'Rourke

My Beautiful Creature's series <3 Lovey<3

"I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense" - Harold Kushner

Little Black Dress series

"If one cannot enjoy a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all" - Oscar Wilde

Mitch Albom and Jodi Picoult

"Books support us in our solitude and keep us from being a burden to ourselves" - Jeremy Collier

Judy Blume <3

And others. And many more to come in the future. <3

"A book is a fragile creature, it suffers the wear of time, it fears rodents, the element s and clumsy hands. So the librarian protects the books not only from mankind and also against nature and devotes his life to this war with forces of oblivion" - Umberto Eco