Jelly Belly.

Holla.


I am getting pudgy.
I don't think I ever been this plump before in my life.

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Thinking back, my weight had been consistent for two years. I never trouble myself to go shopping, as my old clothes always fit me fine and I'm not the shopaholic kind. But, for the past few days, I feels that I might need to get hold on new gears, and upgrade my attires to bigger size.

Gosh! I am getting F.A.T.
During HOship, I was like someone with hyperthyroidism. I ate a lot, but I never gained weight. It must had been attributed by the stress and hardships at that time. But, now that, that phase of life was over, and I'm enjoying life more with proper lunch time in between work. The fat cells decided to build a camp on me and my jelly belly began to shows.

I need to get active!
I need to burn some fat!

But, I'm still considering what's the next step that I should take.

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Restless ramble

Holla lovely folks!

I haven’t write in ages; the last update that I wrote (excluding my amateur writing of paradisum) was months ago?

I am in limbo now, where times seem to freeze along with this body of mine. I’ve been passive for months and all I’ve been doing for the time being was eat, sleep, read and face the laptop for all days long.  All days lonnnnggg. Well, though I’m dreading the day that I’ll start working, being in this boring state for too long make me no good too. So, I can’t help to wait for the days that I’ll get my ‘calling’ letter and start to get active again.

Talking about the letters or documentations, they are part of reason why I am restless on my longus holiday. Holiday supposed to be good right, but mine isn’t so for me. *Sigh*

The letters. I’m expecting 3 batches of letter but not one has reached me yet. You see, I lived in papar and though few years back we moved to Sepanggar, I never changed my mailing address to my current location for not having a trustworthy address here.  And so, all the letters was mailed there and for some reason, I was unable to stay overnight at my aunt house and being a nocturnal person, a day trip back just for the letter is tiresome ;p, so I called my cousin to help me take them and passed it to my brother, as they are colleague. But the frustrating thing is, my cousin went for outstation after he took the letter and this crazy brother of mine never take me seriously and didn’t take the letters from him until the day he, himself went out for outstation. So now, I’m left hanging here with the letters lying at some foreign place. *Sigh* again. So, All I can do is to wait and wait and be patience.

Another big reason why I am trapped in this place is my driving lessons. I made a big mistake. A seriously huge MISTAKE. I chose the wrong driving institute or ‘branch’ to be exact. This branch of driving institute that I went to has been taken their student for granted. I don’t know how to say this, but in this limited time, when I’m trying to get my license as fast as I could, they are just being ‘unhelpful’. No. It should be something stronger, but I’m trying hard not to use vulgar word here. My classes was postponed for so many times and at crucial time, the tutor was being unreachable. And now I am stuck with my current progress. Have you ever wished hard for something and when it doesn’t go the way that you wanted it to be is causing you serious heart ache? Well that’s how I am now, I was quite confident with this driving thingy at first, but with all these problems, my confidence decrease. Hope that it will end well before my holiday end. *Finger crossed* I just can’t leave this place without completing this saddening quest.

Enough with the depressing stuffs, I want to share the good things about my holiday too. The keywords to describe my heart candy are 3Bs. Books, bake and babies.

Books. I’ve collected a few new read over the holiday, and finished more than 5 novels. Yeay! Books bOoks booKs. But I’m not in the mood to write book reviews on each book though; I’m lazy enough as it is. Hee.

Bake. I finally succeed in the making of a chocolate moist cake after 2 failed attempts. I didn’t snap its picture though, because a mini disastrous thing happened and the presentation was not pretty. Hu. And I also made chocolate fondant and butter cake. All was inspired by sis Stella who was pretty successful with her baking project now. *Heart*

Babies. Well as you know, I’ve been spending 1/3 times of my holiday over my sister’s place and spend some time with the babies. And now that I’ back, I’m missing them. L But the stupid driving lessons are holding me back here. L again.

There goes my ramble of my limbo-ish holiday. Sorry for the negativism of this post. J

Lucky Bro.

 Holla lovely folks!

It's been awhile since I post some random ramble.And I'm just in the mood to share an interesting event that happened recently, so, stay tuned folks. :)

It was my eldest brother's birthday last Saturday. Tho I was not as enthusiast as his fiancee to surprise him on his special day, I became her partner in crime in preparing the mini event.

My brother was such a bully that he'd been requesting for future SIL to bake an ice cream cake for him, but since she didn't have much spare time due to her bizarre work schedule, she decided to just buy it. And the only place that we know for selling it is the new Baskin Robbins at 1B. So?? BR is it.

Future SIL had a night shift the night before, so, we confide to meet at 1B for the cake. And that day was the first day in my longus holiday that I wake up early in the morning. Lol. 

Anyway, I took a bus from home to 1B and meet future SIL there. As expected we were early, but we didn't expect the store to open at 11am. Ok, I know I'm a noob, but we never have BR here what, and I thought the standard time for any shop to open at a mall was 10am. Betul kan? ;p

So we went to buy lunch as an accompaniment for the cake and even mindlessly bought the opposite door's Dunkin's donuts while waiting. @.@

When the store finally opened, we straightaway went for the cakes! 

The way the cakes were sold in BR was different from other store/ bakery that sells cake. 

You choose the cake based on the number of serving. For example, either for 4 people, 6 people or more, and the price differ depending on the number. 

And okay, most of you may have known this, but, I'm still an BR noob, so, sabarlah ya. Hee.

The selections were limited for our walk-in cake-hunt, so we just randomly chose one of the few flavors of ice-cream cake there. And chocolate is always the safest choice, don't you think. :)

Chocolate/ vanilla ice cream cake

Le bro was overly tired from work the day before, so he was still asleep by the time that we went back.

And then the usual surprising process happened and that was him with future SIL in his 'bedraggled' look after being forced to wash up for picture taking. Hehe.

The mindlessly bought donuts that are still in the fridge.

And my fascination for the ice cubes that keep the cake intact for our journey home.  

My brother was damn lucky right?! To have such a cool cake for his birthday. Oops. It seem like I'd been putting the limelight on the cake rather than the birthday boy since the beginning till the end.

Anyway, Happy birthday Bro! 

ps: The reason for the lack of enthusiasm to celebrate le bro birthday was that he didn't wish me mine on my birthday the week before. @.@ Tidak puas hati betul. Hehe.

Ramble.

It's the end of le student life. 

Final exam was over for like 2 weeks ago and I moved all my possessions back home. 

I had 3 moving trips to transfer all my stuff from hostel back home. Why 3 trips you might say, because the mover a.k.a my brother only drives a Myvi and the stuff accumulated during the 5 years period was seriously a lot, so it's not possible for us to move back everything in one sole trip. 

And till now I still have sore muscle pain over le shoulder resulted from lifting the book racks and dino-books up and down the stairs. *Exhausting* I never wanna move again in near future. @.@

The highlight of this post would be this! My simple study/working/reading corner. Thanks to le weakut, I have 2 book racks now. One for my novels and the other one for my text books. 

The photos of my lovely friends. To remind me that I am a lucky person for having these lovely people.

And another one.

 Oops. And this stolen poster from school also become one of my room's deco. ;p

Just a simple post for being too free.. ;p

3 more months

Holla lovely folks.

Although this is a personal blog, I seldom write about my private life. I have no confidence in myself and I feels that my life is not worth sharing. But since I changed my blog's name to "a journey to a true self", I might as well be true to myself and post more about myself and my life here.

Being in the last chapter of a student's life, I feel the need to scribble something here, so that in the future, I'll have something to look back for and a remembrance that I was once a student.

I never know what I was gonna be when I was young.  well, I never know what I was going to be until I finished my course in matriculation. I am not a top achiever. Back at high school, I focus more on the subjects of interest and paid less attention to the the topics that bored me to H@#L, such as history and geography. I love science and math, and so, as you can guess, I did well in those subjects.

Going with the flow of the path that God created for me, I was lucky and blessed for being accepted into the Matriculation College. And there was a saying that says "Hard work pays off", and I'm quite agree with the statement as I worked hard at Matric and God rewarded me with a good course and a good future.

I chose Medicine as my degree at UMS. It is a long course, it takes me 5 years to complete my studies. But, I'm still not out into the working environment yet, 3 more months. 3 more months before the big exam and before entering the next phase of my life. I need to work extra hard during this 3 months time. The finishing line is within my grasp and I cannot let anything spoils it. God Bless me and my studies. God Bless all of you too. Amen.

I am just sharing a random thought. 3 more months as a student.

Thanks for reading. :)

Black and White.

I vow to myself that no new post will appear here in near future, but out of a sudden, a post pop out of no where, defying the fact that I should be studying instead of blogging.

Hee.

Fact 1: I got bored of staring at the open book and decided to do something pleasurable instead.

And I did this. Photo editing.

Fact 2: Life turned dull without the daily dose of excitement from doing things that I love doing. Lol. Apa lah konon tu kan.

Life is a mess. 

I am disorganized. 

And if you notice, that is a novel on top of my textbook. Lol. Disorganized much.

Sigh. 

I'm in need of some motivation. Inspiration to keep my engine running for studying. @.@

*Study aura~ Do come to me now~.. * @.@

Me versus my cold heart

Us versus the world.

Us versus the unpredictable future.

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When I was a child, I kept dreaming of the day that I will leave home and stand on my own two feet.

I envy the so called grown up for able to hang out with their friends after school hour,

make their own decision in shopping and also able to spend money on things that they love. 

Those kind of things seems cool at that time. 

So, I vow to be like them too, in the future.

But, seeing how the grown up make life seem so easy makes me feel inadequate.

Cause I do not have the confidence, that I can lead my life same as them.

And as I grow up, life proven to be harsh for me.

and I seriously lose the confidence to be a person. A living person.

Being surrounded by 'good' friend supposed to be good too.

But, their personality was too good for me and I don't know why I kept comparing myself to others and feeling that they was awesome than me scared me. I'm scared that I won't live up to their standard and I started to keep distance from people. Having a weird feeling that I have no right to be one of their friend.

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Few angels come to my life though, and together we grows to be the grown up that I used to envy when I was small.

But those angles, even though they are special enough in my heart, I never kept them to myself.

I let them loose and let them find another angels of their own.

"If you hold on to something too tight, you will suffocate it"

And that's why friends, I never hold on to any of you, cause I don't want to suffocate you with my presence.

And for not holding on to you, 

you turned to another person for a more warmth friendship that mine.

My heart was not made of steel. 

I dislike the weird feeling that I felt after losing any of my friend.

Having those angels leave me after secondary school was not easy too. Out from my comfort zone, I created a wall around me. Wall of insecurity. The wall that I kept on making me a socially awkward person.

And thats why too friends,

I never get attached with any of you.

The wall is still there, and..

I built a gate to my heart, but lose the key in the process of growing up.

Part I of Gee's heart. :)

I'm apparently are not well.

" All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself."

~ Ambika Wauters

Holla world.. How is everyone doing?
Although its only been a few days since my last post, I feels as if I haven't blog for months. ;p

So what's new in my world?

I'm still the same old me, struggling to survive in this harsh world. ;p (Not as bad as it sound lah actually) Hehe

I've been having turmoil of emotion for the last few days. Blame it on the hormones. Its one of those days when the time of the month is due and all my buried, deep negative symptoms will resurface.
Why estrogen and progesteron, why?? Y U  come on each and every month of a woman's life.. ;p

I really dread this time of the month. Being a quiet girl in the group, I will be extra quiet on one of these days. It's my defense mechanism to suppress my evil self from resurface. Or else, I will easily get annoyed and irritated by some minor things that usually won't bug me at all. Duh.

I'm Okay with that matter tho, as long as I'm quiet and no one says anything silly within my ear shot, you won't see the worst of me. But, there is this one other symptom, which is seriously depressing, and I wish I have control to. Yeah, I'll OVER THINK, OVER ANALYZE things and be depress on things that I'm not even suppose to think of.
Gosh. Gosh. The thing that I hate the most is to Over Think.

And I will start to question my existence in this world and get a huge doubt on my chosen life's path. Feels that I could not hold on anymore and that I am the worse of all mankind.

See! Much negativity right?! Nasib baik I have awareness to my own condition or else I could be diagnose with one of those major depression disorder. Wuwuwu. Please lah mind, don't torture me. I don't like much negativity. I don't like you. Stop pushing me down to my feet. Go go away please.

Dear folks, sorry for this much negativity post. For the girlsssss,

mind to share your much hated symptom of those time of the month? ;p

Apparently not well Gee. See you on a better day folks. Ciao.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and some absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely.."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

My lips are sealed for you.

"Curiosity is lying in wait for every secret"

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm a normal human being.

A normal girl.

I love catching up with the latest gossip or rumor about someone that I know.

Did you not?

But, hearing does not always lead to spreading.

Activating my hearing sensation doesn't mean that I will trigger my vocal cord to make out the same noise as the one that I listened to.

If someone chose to pour their heart out for me, sharing their problem and secret with me,

I'll not be an idiot and leaks the story out.

I know what confidentiality is.

Being in this profession, I know when to keep quiet and when to intervene.

Your secret are safe with us.

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You want to keep things in the dark?

Okay. It's ok with me.

But do make a wise decision.

Do come out of the dark and follow the bright path.

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Thing is. Though you want to keep it to yourself, I got my way of knowing it.

I'm a normal human being with an intense curiosity.

But, knowing it does not mean that I'll tell others about it.

My lips are sealed for you.

"Everything is a mystery, ourselves and all things both simple and humble"

~ Giorgio Morandi

When thy zip thy mouth

I'm not a conversationalist.

I'm not good at talking.

I'm sOoo not good in initiating conversation.

And it's one of my weakness. 

Grr..

I'm not good at talking in a spontaneous manner,

Moreover when speaking english.

I'm better in writing it than saying it.

My soft skill sucks! ~.~

I'm Not Creative.

Holla folks!

Quid agis? ;p

That would be "How are you" in Latin~ ;p

Well, I posted something about me doing my elective posting at Sarawak over a month ago, and tadaa!

Its done. Finished and I'm back to my 'beloved' uni and am currently a final year Med student.

Hmm, we were needed to write a report and make a poster for that posting trip and today was the deadline for both thingy submission.

Lets take a look at my poster.

There was no specific requirement for it and this was the first design that I had in mind.

How was it?

Simple and simple. 

At first, I was being grandiose and thought that it was the best among the best until I see the other's design. Haha..

Biar lah simple! The school won't bother to print juga tu. ;p

That's how Gee's ramble goes~ Vale!

Project Wall

"Glancing at the wall and see nothing. 

I'm surrounded by nothing but whiteness. 

And What if...

What if it is painted in pink?

Hmm.. Nay~ Troublesome.

And what if, I get some of those cute wall-sticker~"

What if? 

Well.. This how it turned out to be~

My blank wall.

 And the hero that came to the rescue.

Hey there lil kitty, lets get you a new home. :)

The instructions. Not everything that come from China is unreliable. :)

The rough idea on how it should turned out to be.

Testing with a few stickers first.

And trying to get all the windows on the wall.

Okie. I love you the way you are.

And add a little details.

Completed. Mission accomplished.

It might not be grand, but its better than bland. :)

p/s: Its from Kaison. :)

Student life is the most precious time in our life?

And we must appreciate every moment spent in this stage of life?

Is it? 

So we must appreciate it by enjoying our student's life to the max?

But, this stage of life is also the determining moment of our future.

So, the enjoyment and focus should be balance. Too much enjoyment without giving any effort on the academic will cause you to stumble down to the unwanted path of your life.

But, there is a wide definition for enjoyment. 

It can be included in the study and also in leisure.

And, why is it I'm thinking of this kind of thingy only now, at the final stage of my life.

Blah blah blah. There goes my pointless ramble. ;p

Dark Mall

We been experiencing black out since yesterday.

And people was saying that it happened throughout Sabah. But, I'm not sure how true is that.

As for yesterday, it happened at around 3am and lasted till around 10am. 

It didn't effect me much yesterday, as I am a heavy sleeper and by the time that I woke up, the electricity was back. :p

Then for today, it happened again, I woke up to discover that the fan was not swirling and of course the electric was not there. ~.~

And this afternoon, feeling quite bored at the heaty room, I went to 1 Borneo mall for lunch and planned to buy some stuffs at Giant supermarket. But turned out that even the big mall was experiencing the black out thingy.

The corridors was dark. Candles was being lighten up in some of the stores. 

And my lovely Giant store was closed. Wuu~

Interesting experience! Its my first time going to a 'dark' mall. ;p

Hopefully the problem was fix and there will be no more black out for the day to come. :)

Gee <3